The time runs by, it's unbelievable.
So fast.
Now my favorite two weeks are over and everything else seems to be over too.
When I started this year, I went with the thought that prom and graduation would mark the end. Well. Prom is over. And graduation is just a couple days away.
I packed a box with clothes to send to Germany because they won't fit in my suitcase. As much as I want to unpack that package, it's not going to change anything. It's not going to stop time from running.
Also, when my American family asked me in the beginning of the year if I want to go to D.C. in May, I was really thinking of it as the conclusion of my year here.
Well, it's over.
And I really can't imagine to leave. Or to be back in Germany. All I remember from my room in Germany is a blurry picture, more dominated by color blots than by defined shapes. Yesterday, I looked up 'vacuum cleaner' because I had forgotten what it is in German. I don't recognize my own voice when I speak in my native language.
Time goes by and things change. People change. It feels weird to talk to people from back home, sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a stranger. It's going to take time to get used to everything again.
Like Paula said in one of her blog posts, I have created a whole new life that is totally different from my life in Germany. A life in one year. And this is MY life. I don't want it to keep going, to continue, to change, without me. I want to be there. I want to live it.
I like going to new places. But I don't like leaving. Before my exchange year I always said that I don't like unpacking suitcases because when you're packing a suitcase you always know that you go somewhere but when you unpack a suitcase, then you have nothing to look forward to, you just have the certainty that you left something.
Well. That is still kind of true, I like packing better than unpacking, and I like going somewhere and looking forward to things. But when packing your suitcase means a step backwards, if it means leaving things, ...
And it gives me shivers that I apparently associate going to Germany with a regression.
Maybe that is because I spent the biggest part of my life living towards this year and then suddenly .. this year is over. Over.
***
I should stop. Stop talking about the end. It's time to look forward. Time to accept that I will have to go back and time to focus on making the best out of the last weeks here.
***
I think I'm going to unpack my box of clothes.
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