No title.

This post doesn't have a title because there's no way that I could find a word for this situation.
I'm sitting in Germany, in my room. And it's the first time that I managed to even open the webpage of my blog.
You know, I had a lot of time these past two weeks. Two weeks since I returned from America. Two weeks that I've been missing America every single day, every minute, every second. Honestly.
Today I finally managed to hang my flags (US flag and Wisconsin flag) on my wall and at least one of the pictures I want to put up. The license plates and the rest of the pictures are still laying on my desk.
The problem is not that I didn't have enough time. No. The problem is that the more I make my room "my own", the more I "make myself at home", I realize that I won't leave for a while, won't go back to the US for quite some time.

Most of the time it feels like the whole year was a dream. It seems like I never left Germany. Nothing changed. Or at least not much.
But then there's that baseball sitting next to me, the Japanese hand fan and the Packers build-a-bear on my shelf, together with my graduation cap, the glühwein cup from the Chicago christmas market and the Aflac duck. The Wisconsin license plates, all those AFS nametags, the pins and the writings in different languages on my pencil case, those thousands of photos. And the memories. All those memories.

My biggest fear is to forget. To forget just a single second of a memory. I want to remember. Everything. Every little detail of that year that seems to be so long gone.

Good that there's facebook and skype. You might think. But right now I hate it. I always hesitate when I open facebook or skype, and I really suck at replying to messages from the US. Because it just makes me realize that I won't be with the person on the other side of the connection for who knows how long.

Honestly, I never knew how hard it would be to come back. I heard that it wouldn't be too easy and I know that wanderlust is always with me.. but like this?

These past two weeks have been the longest two weeks of my life.

I see how my German friends and family are really happy that I'm back and everything. But sometimes it's really hard to smile.


Damn, I could really use a hug right now. An American hug.

Käsebrot. Last post from Plymouth.

Link zu deutschem Text

So. Here we are now.
My last post from Plymouth.
My last monday in Plymouth.
My last day in Plymouth.
Tonight I will go to Sheboygan, Pizza Party, and from there to Chicago with the other exchange students. From there I'll fly to Washington, DC, where I'll spend my last couple days in 'Merica with the other scholarship students, meeting politicians,.. stuff like that. And saturday morning I'll arrive in Frankfurt.

And that's it. That was my year. Time's up.

Soooo unreal.
But the year was real. The best year I could have had, I can say that without any doubt. A year with the best hostfamily and the best friends, making the best memories. And it really is what they say - Not a year in a life but a life in a year. A life that I'm going to miss.

My suitcase is standing in my room, all packed. That makes me think back to last August. When my suitcase was standing in my room, all packed.. in Germany. And I was thinking about was was ahead and what I was getting myself into. And of course what I was leaving behind. and it's the wildest thought to go back to those things, that life again that I left behind. I can't wait to see my family and friends again, to start driving, listen to my stereo, play my piano, and to have a simple German Käsebrot.

See you soon, Plymouth.
I love you.

Käsebrot. Last post from Plymouth. -Deutsch.

Link to English Text

So. Da sind wir also.
Mein letzter Post aus Plymouth.
Mein letzter Montag in Plymouth.
Mein letzter Tag in Plymouth.
Heute abend fahre ich nach Sheboygan, Pizza Party und von da aus geht's mit den anderen Austauschschülern nach Chicago. Dienstag morgen fliege ich dann nach Washington, DC, wo ich meine letzten Tage in den USA mit den anderen Stipendiaten verbringen werde, Politiker treffen, usw.. Und Samstag morgen komme ich dann am Frankfurter Flughafen an.

Und das war's dann. Das war mein Jahr. Zeit ist um.

Es ist so irreal.
Aber das Jahr war real. Das beste Jahr, das ich hätte haben können, das kann ich zweifellos sagen. Ein Jahr mit der besten Gastfamilie und den besten Freunden, die besten Erfahrungen und Erinnerungen. Und es ist wirklich was man sagt - Nicht ein Jahr im Leben, sondern ein Leben in einem Jahr. Ein Leben, das ich vermissen werde.

Mein Koffer steht in meinem Zimmer, fertig gepackt. Das erinnnert mich an letzten August. Als mein Koffer in meinem Zimmer stand, fertig gepackt.. in Deutschland. Und ich dachte darüber nach, was vor mir lag. Und natürlich, was ich zurücklassen würde. Und es ist der wildeste Gedanke, zu dem Leben zurückzugehen, was ich damals verlassen habe. Ich kann es kaum erwarten, meine Familie und Freunde wiederzusehen, anfangen Auto zu fahren, Musik auf meiner Stereoanlage zu hören, mein Klavier zu spielen, und einfach ein gutes deutsches Käsebrot zu haben.

Bis bald, Plymouth.
Danke für alles.
Ich liebe dich.

And there it goes. -Deutsch.

Wow.
Am Sonntag war Graduation und seit Freitag hab ich jetzt schon Ferien. Der Sommer hat super angefangen. Auch wenn ich mir jetzt leider eine Erkältung eingefangen habe, die mich schon ganz schön lahm legt.

Aber ich hab keine Zeit, rumzusitzen und zu warten, bis es besser wird. Diese Woche hab ich nämlich vor, alle Sachen, die ich mit nach Deutschland nehmen will, die aber nicht in den Koffer passen, abzuschicken. ..Und da hab ich noch einiges zu tun. Am Samstag ist dann meine Graduation und Goodbye Party (kommt vorbei, wenn ihr in der Gegend seit!) und dannn muss ich auch schon anfangen, meinen Koffer zu packen.. Das ist dann nämlich meine letzte Woche hier.

Ja, ich habe nur noch weniger als zwei Wochen in P-Town. 12 Tage um genau zu sein. Am 24. Juni geht's dann ab nach Sheboygan mit den anderen Austauschschülern, von wo wir nach einer Pizza Party uns auf den weg nach Chicago machen. Und am nächsten Morgen werde ich dann im Flugzeug nach Washington, DC sitzen, wo ich dann meine letzten vier Tage in den Staaten verbringen werde. Und in 17 Tagen bin ich schon wieder zuhause, in Deutschland. Unglaublich. Wirklich unglaublich.

Naja.. Hier sind Bilder von der Graduation.

This one's real.

Link zu deutschem Text

So, after that weird one last time, here's finally a post about what's up right now.

I just got done with my last assessment for school. Yup, that's right. LAST. Today and tomorrow are final exams, friday just graduation rehearsal and senior brat fry. Sunday graduation. And then it's OVER!!
Although yeah, of course I REALLY look forward to not having school and homework but instead graduation, summer, and parties, it makes me a little bit sad to know that I won't see most of my friends everyday anymore.

Especially the yearbook signing made it so clear that my time here is coming to an end so fast. While you think of what to write in your friends' yearbooks all those memories from the first time you met to the craziest things you've done together come to your consciousness.. and the certainty how much you're going to miss all of that.

Yesterday all the Plymouth High School exchange students went to DeO'Malley's with the language teachers. It's crazy. It feels like yesterday but yet so long ago when we did the same thing in the beginning of the year. And when I think about what it was like then.. I think the most remarkable difference is how we foreigns all became kind of like a family. I'm going to miss this..

Last weekend we had a bonfire with all the P-Town exchange students and tomorrow is a picnic with all the Sheboygan county AFSers. Time to say goodbye is coming so close. In 19 days I will leave Plymouth for good. I can't and I don't want to get that into my head.

Here's a video that my whole school made together:

This one's real. -Deutsch.

Link to English text

So, nach dem letzten etwas merkwürdigen Post, hier ist endlich mal wieder ein Post über das Neuste von hier drüben.

Ich bin gerade fertig geworden mit meinem letzten Aufsatz für die Schule. Jap, LETZTEN. Heute und morgen sind Abschlussexamen, Freitag nur Graduation Probe und Grillen mit allen Zwölftklässlern. Sonntag Graduation. Und dann ist's VORBEI!!
Obwohl ich mich natürlich sehr darauf freue, keine schule und Hausaufgaben mehr zu haben und anstelle Graduation, Sommerferien und Parties, macht es mich ein bisschen traurig zu wissen, dass ich die meisten meiner Freunde nicht mehr täglich sehen werde.

Besonders die ganzen Jahrbücher zu unterschreiben hat es so offensichtlich gemacht, dass meine Zeit hier sehr schnell zum Ende kommt. Während man darüber nachdenkt, was man in die Jahrbücher seiner Freunde schreiben soll, kommen alle diese Erinnerungen von ersten Kennenlernen bis zu den verrücktesten Dingen, die man zusammen gemacht hat ins Bewusstsein .. und die Gewissheit, wie sehr man das alles vermissen wird.

Gestern sind alle Plymouth High School Austauschschüler mit den Sprachenlehrern Essen gegangen. Es ist verrückt. Es fühlt sich an wie gestern, aber gleichzeitig auch so lange her, als wir das Gleiche am Anfang des Jahres gemacht haben. Und wenn ich darüber nachdenke, wie es damals war.. ich glaube, der bemerkenswerteste Unterschied ist, wie wir Austauschschüler alle irgendwie zu einer Familie zusammen gewachsen sind. Ich werde es vermissen..

Letzte Woche hatten wir ein Lagerfeuer mit allen P-Town Austauschschülern und morgen ist ein Picnic mit allen Austauschschülern in Sheboygan County. Zeit Tschüss zu sagen kommt so schnell. In 19 Tagen verlasse ich Plymouth. Das kann und will nicht in meinen Kopf.

The first date.

Link zu deutschem Text

Whyyyyy does my hair look like this today of all days?? Maybe I should put it in a ponytail. No, that would look to sporty for a restaurant. What kind of restaurant are we going to? Casual? Mmh, I don't know. Maybe I should wear the dress. Maybe not. I'm overdressed. Yes. No. No. Yes. No. Whatever. It looks better than the new shirt. Quarter to. Fifteen minutes. I wonder if he'll be on time. Should I really wear the black shoes? What if we have to walk? Don't wanna trip. That'd be soo embarrassing. Geez, wish I was a guy. They have it so easy. Alright, Imma go with the red ones. Hair. Does my hair look okay? Why is that strand standing up like that?? Get down, stupid thing. Gosh, that makes me nervous. Basement. What is the cat doing on the steps? Did I lock her out earlier? Think there's still some milk in the bowl. Don't have time to pour in more. Hope she's not too thirsty. Dang, what did I want down here? Did I wanna get something? Whatever. Okay. How does my hair look? It's fine, it's fine. I think I need more lip gloss. Yeah that's good. What now? 7:01. He's late. Why am I so fussy?? One minute, geez. Nervooouuuusss! Calm down. Okay. It'll be fine. Shoot, no more milk in the bowl. Do I have time? Maybe. The bell! No. That's him!! Forget the cat.

***

Where the heck are my car keys? Shoot. Gotta find'em, fast. What pants did I wear yesterday? There they are. Maybe the keys are still in the pocket. Nope. Not in the pocket. Argh. Should have started looking earlier. Man, where are these damn keys? Not in the drawer, not in the car, not in my pocket. Pretty sure I still had them when I came inside. Not in the kitchen, not on the living room table. There they are! Who the heck leaves their keys in the bathroom? Me I guess. Oh man, quarter to already! Gotta Hurry up. Don't wanna be late for the first date. Keys? check. Wallet? check. Ready to go. Look good? Yeah that's fine. And out to the car. Ouch. Fucking door. Whatever. Ugh, where's that adress? Should have looked up her street. Come on, not a red light! Oh, thank god. Was it 353 or 355? Geez, would be easier to be the gal, wouldn't have to find anyone's house to pick 'em up. 353 looks like an old people house. Gonna try 355. Sweet, parking spot right in front. 7:01. Not bad. Mmh, weird house color. Don't think I would move into a house with a color like that. Looks like hospital. Push the buttonnn. Oh no, stupid song. Get out of my head. Not now. Not right now. Alright. Mmh. Smith. Smith. Smith. Why the heck are there two Smiths in the same house? E.Smith. Must be it.

***