No title.

This post doesn't have a title because there's no way that I could find a word for this situation.
I'm sitting in Germany, in my room. And it's the first time that I managed to even open the webpage of my blog.
You know, I had a lot of time these past two weeks. Two weeks since I returned from America. Two weeks that I've been missing America every single day, every minute, every second. Honestly.
Today I finally managed to hang my flags (US flag and Wisconsin flag) on my wall and at least one of the pictures I want to put up. The license plates and the rest of the pictures are still laying on my desk.
The problem is not that I didn't have enough time. No. The problem is that the more I make my room "my own", the more I "make myself at home", I realize that I won't leave for a while, won't go back to the US for quite some time.

Most of the time it feels like the whole year was a dream. It seems like I never left Germany. Nothing changed. Or at least not much.
But then there's that baseball sitting next to me, the Japanese hand fan and the Packers build-a-bear on my shelf, together with my graduation cap, the glühwein cup from the Chicago christmas market and the Aflac duck. The Wisconsin license plates, all those AFS nametags, the pins and the writings in different languages on my pencil case, those thousands of photos. And the memories. All those memories.

My biggest fear is to forget. To forget just a single second of a memory. I want to remember. Everything. Every little detail of that year that seems to be so long gone.

Good that there's facebook and skype. You might think. But right now I hate it. I always hesitate when I open facebook or skype, and I really suck at replying to messages from the US. Because it just makes me realize that I won't be with the person on the other side of the connection for who knows how long.

Honestly, I never knew how hard it would be to come back. I heard that it wouldn't be too easy and I know that wanderlust is always with me.. but like this?

These past two weeks have been the longest two weeks of my life.

I see how my German friends and family are really happy that I'm back and everything. But sometimes it's really hard to smile.


Damn, I could really use a hug right now. An American hug.